is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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