I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry about my life...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
A+ Viking dick
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
