You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
