We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
