The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
