how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
