She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize