I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
