Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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