Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
