do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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