I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
