just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
