I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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