just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
