Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
God, I missed his penis.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
