How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
