It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
