Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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