hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he thought i was a dude.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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