Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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