i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
