so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
