I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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