did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
