Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
