Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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