I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
