I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize