Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize