She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
