so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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