I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
