I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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