he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
