we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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