I wannas sexs uuuuu
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
