Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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