its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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