I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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