its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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