I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
