The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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