hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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