from now on my penis is your penis
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
