Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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