cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
