She announced her abortion via fbk
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
