Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
