fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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