got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
