We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
