Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
