This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im holly from the hills drunk
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
