First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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