Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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