We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
