he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
