Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
