I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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