Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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