last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
As shirtless as possible
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
