yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
