Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize