You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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