Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
