you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was like giving head to a cactus.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
