The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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