I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
