is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
