True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
