So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Can Purell be used as lube?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
