her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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