this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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