I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
