Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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