literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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