So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
