pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
pray to the hookup gods
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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