Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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