yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Girls should come with a carfax report
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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