highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
