i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
