My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize