all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
