people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize