the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
