Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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