i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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