Already got asked if we're dating
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
