wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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