I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Is it because I queefed?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
