When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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