How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize