yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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