Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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