Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
